Tuesday December 30, 2003
From: Harley
Location: Sheveport
Sex: female
Age: 20
Favorite Movie: Dirty Dancing
Dear Mattmanuel,
I have been dating this guy for a year and I care a lot about him. But there is a problem in the bedroom. I can give him a blow job, but I don't finish him off because I don't want his jungle juice in my mouth. He says that it is ok but I know that it isn't. Can anyone tell me how to get over the fear of the 'jungle juice'?
Harley
Billy Kistler says:
Harley,
It probably IS okay that you don't finish him off. If you've been with the guy for a year, chances are he's pretty cool. Right? So don't get too stressed out over this. There are plenty of girls who allergic to jungle-juice and plenty of guys who are happy to place it somewhere else (from what I've heard most guys prefer, tissues, pillows and socks).
However, being eight years old, you probably shouldn't listen to me.
8 years old,
Billy "Juicy-Fruit" Kistler
Spangler says:
But you SHOULD listen to me. Trust me, there is a 93% chance that your man is ok with your oral avoidance of the jungle-juice. Just finish him off with some other methods, no problemo. I'm going to go so far as to say this doesn't even qualify as a problem in the bedroom......"This doesn't even qualify as a problem in the bedroom."
MATTMANUEL says:
First, let me thank you for your jungle juice letter. You have a great writing style Harley. I'm also re-assured to know that your favorite movie is more than three weeks old, it shows that you aren't easily swayed by trends, and/or that you have an actual long term memory.
Because I like you, I will give you a really good answer. I will tell you about an amazing "all natural" product that will change your life. SEMENEX(US Patent 6,485,773 )
What is Semenex? Well, according to the web site Semenex is:
| Quote: | | ....an all-natural dietary supplement made available as a sweet-tasting drink powder and professionally packaged by one of the nation's leading nutriceutical companies in new multi-serving containers. |
It's easy to use!
| Quote: | 1.About an hour or so before bed, ejaculate at least a time or two before taking Semenex .
2.Shortly before bed, pour one serving of Semenex (two level tablespoons [scoops]) into a lidded container of 6 ounces (175 ml) of water (or any other desired potable liquid or beverage).
3.Close the container lid and shake contents vigorously (that's right, "shaken, not stirred" ). Then drink.
[b]4.Repeat Steps 2-3 again (being careful not to ejaculate further) for an additional one to two nights. (while Semenex will enhance semen taste in as little as 12-24 hours, the human male physiology takes approximately three days to fully replenish semen supply.)
5.Within 24 hours of having last drank a serving of Semenex (whether Semenex has been taken for one, two, or three nights in succession), invite your lover over for a taste test she's sure to enjoy. |
But how does the magic happen? Well, let's take a look at the ingredients:
| Quote: | | Pineapple; Broccoli; Banana; Celery; Strawberry; Fructose; Cinnamon; Ginger; Nutmeg; Citric Acid; Vitamins B6, B12, and E; Calcium; Magnesium; Creatine; Selenium; and Zinc |
The first half of the list is clearly intended to make the jungle juice taste more civilized. The second half, to replenish those nutrients lost through ejaculation. I would tell you that you should love jungle juice because it is so damn good for you, look at all that B12, but healthy and tasty do not always go together for some people.
You may ask, is SEMENEX actually healthy? It certainly looks healthy enough, with all those fruits and vitamins, but Mattmanuel did a little investigative journalism in the FAQ of Semenex's web site. I uncovered this nasty side effect:
| Quote: | Q: Is addictive or habit-forming?
Okay, let's treat this one as a serious question. 
No.There is nothing in Semenex that is habit-forming or addictive. Semenex does not even contain caffeine, ginseng (which naturally contains caffeine), herbs, nor any other ingredient that might be the least questionable in this regard.
However given its effects on the taste of semen, it can tend to be just a bit "habit-forming" for those drinking down its results, jet after tasty jet. And for that, we make no apologies. |
An all too typical lack sympathy for those poor people who are suffering from the dangerous Semenex habit... When you look at the evidence, there really isn't any reason your boyfriend couldn't consume the same fruits, vegetables and vitamins that go into Semenex, (and possibly less red meat and dairy products), to achieve the same results. However, the makers of Semenex also have an answer for that:
| Quote: | | Ironically, there is some truth to these myths, but it took our research to find the concentrations, ratios, and other key ingredients needed to trigger optimal results. |
In the end, you will have to decide whether to trust "one of the nation's leading nutriceutical companies" or "Mattmanuel". I really only posted this because I love the idea of a company with Semen taste testers perfecting their product. I actually like Spangler's "other methods" idea more...
May your manfriend's semen taste like honey,
-Mattmanex
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