Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
Review by E.L.Splice and Mattmanuel
|This part was fucking INTENSE! |
EL: Another year has come and gone and with it the final chapter of The Lord of the Rings. I'm going to miss having a guaranteed good movie to look forward to each year.
MM: There's always Harry Potter [both E.L. and Mattmanuel laugh]
EL: What stood out the most for you in this chapter?
MM: Its awesomeness.... After that, Minis Tirith, they really got that city right. And Sam and Frodo's ascent up Mount Doom, they nailed that. I have trouble separating the book from the movie sometimes. There was one part of Return of the King which I was looking forward to since Fellowship. It is such a huge payoff in the book and my expectations were so high that I can't really say for sure if they pulled it off or not. I'm sure it was a pretty bombass moment for those who never read the books.
EL: Which part was that? GBOFFAJIMD?
MM: No, ESTNKITHWAAFM.
EL: Oh, yes. Quite right. I felt the same about PTTEIASIO.
MM: Hmmm. Um, EL, what are we talking about?
EL: You were saying the part that you were anticipating, you know ESTNKITHWAAFM...
MM: Oh, yeah, Eowyn stabbing the Nazgul King in the head. (With an assist from Merrry.) Well, this was well above Booty Call, but I was really invested in this scene, so I just can't judge it fairly. I guess what I'm saying is I am unable to fulfill my duty as a movie reviewer regarding this scene.
EL: As ESTNKITHWAAFM scenes go, it was pretty good I thought. They did ham it up a little with the obligatory "I am no man!" cheer signal. Personally I thought the ESKTACOTFBFH was cooler (Eowyn saves King Theoden and cuts off the Fell Beast's fucking head). I guess that was the same scene, wasn't it?
MM: ESKTA (Eowyn seriously K’s the A [kicks the ass] ). Have you ever done any extreme elephant riding (EER) before?
EL: Honestly, no. I did bake some johnny cakes (JC) this past weekend. Does that count?
MM: That's more Upper Earth than Middle Earth.
EL: I guess so. You know another thing I've heard people complaining about was all the sort of "false endings" the movie has. I hate to break it to everyone but all that stuff was in the book.
MM: Yes, as improbable as giant eagles swooping out of the fucking sky is, it did happen (in the fictional world of Middle Earth). Did anybody really think Frodo and Sam were gonna go out like that?
EL: Without frolicking in the golden light of Rivendell and shit?
MM: Word. Or as they say in Elven, Werihelayd.
EL: I was delighted to see the hobbits play a more central role in this installment. The story is supposed to be about small people changing the world in a big way.
MM: Correct. I thought "Action" Peter Jackson did the right thing by playing them up. It must not have been easy either because, when you think about it, everything else was HUGE in Middle Earth. Huge Spiders, elephants, eagles, you name it, it's larger than life.
EL: I guess that's the best way to sum it up. This was the biggest film.
MM: Bigger and far better than Booty Call.
EL: One film to rule them all.
MM: And in the extended DVD, bind them.